I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Philipians 4:13
I am part of a facebook group for LDS moms who choose natural birth, and I have been following their posts in my feed for a few years. From time to time the idea of a Christ-centered birth came up and I loved the idea. Those who had tried it highly recommended the book "The Gift of Giving Life" by Felice Austin, Launi Axman, Heather Farrell, Robyn Allgood, and Sheridan Ripley. I borrowed the book from my sister. It changed me.
I went into this birth with a greater understanding of the sacredness of what I was doing. I was prepared to feel a deeper connection with God, Jesus, Heavenly Mother, my baby, Eve, and all the women supporting me on both sides of the veil. I planned to pray throughout the labor and receive priesthood blessings. I picked inspiring arrangements of Hymns about Christ to play during the labor. I pondered on scriptures and quotes about mothers, babies, and Jesus Christ and His love. Although I worried about complications and worst-case scenarios, I prayed throughout my pregnancy for a smooth labor, health for me and my baby, and to feel a closer connection to Jesus Christ. I never expected Him to answer those prayers with such perfection.
I began having early labor pains in the first midnight hours of Friday June 23rd. As with my previous labors, they kept me up most of the night but didn't become regular or progress. In the morning, Myles gave me a priesthood blessing before leaving for work. The pains came and went throughout the day as I picked up my Mom from the airport and we went about getting the house more organized. Friday night I was blessed to sleep through the night. I woke up well rested and went through most of Saturday with no contractions at all. Saturday night as Myles, my Mom, and I were watching a movie, I began feeling pretty uncomfortable in my lower abdomen so I decided to take a warm bath and see if it would help. That's when the contractions started coming regularly - probably about 5 minutes apart. The warm water soothed my belly as I swayed through the surges. I was smiling. I felt so calm and happy. Myles came in to see how I was doing and he helped by being with me and answering requests.
Eventually I decided to get out of the tub and go to bed. I figured if they kept coming regularly after getting out of the tub then this was probably real labor. I slowly sucked in air with each contraction and exhaled the tension while Myles rubbed my back. Contractions got closer, and at about 1 am Sunday morning I called the midwife, Katia. I described what I was experiencing. She wasn't completely convinced I was in active labor, but we decided that If they kept progressing we would meet at the birth center at 2 am. I put on my robe and Myles and I got everything ready to go. He gave me another blessing as we prepared for the birth of our daughter.
Surges were getting stronger and I moaned through them. We woke my Mom to tell her we were going and drove to the birth center. We arrived, chatted a bit, and they checked my dilation. 4 cm. They directed me to the birthing suite. The suite has a bedroom area fully-furnished with a queen size bed, side-tables, an electric fireplace, and a chair. Through another door is our large private bathroom with a large jetted birth tub and everything we could need.
We got settled and turned on my music. I wanted to get in the tub right away, but the midwives recommended I move around to help labor progress. For a while I bounced on the birthing ball, leaning on Myles as he sat in the chair in front of me. I groaned through each contraction - stealing kisses in the quiet moments, enjoying the music I had chosen.
I really just wanted to get in the water so we filled the tub and I put my swim-top on. I was so relaxed in the water. I leaned my head back against a towel on the back of the tub, and held Myles hand. I smiled, telling Myles how content I was, how this was my most relaxed labor ever, how there was so much love in that room. You might have thought I was high on pain pills but I had not had any medication! I was thinking of meeting my baby and of how much Jesus Christ loved that baby, and loved me and my family. Eventually I became so relaxed I started dozing between contractions and time slipped by.
A couple hours later when Katia came to check on me I asked her to check my progress. 6 cm. That's all? I felt a little discouraged and let some negativity come into my mind. I wanted things to move faster. What laboring mother doesn't? This was my third labor, after all.
I thought about getting out of the tub and walking around to help things progress more. I got out of the tub and put my robe on. I stopped to sit on the bed and said a little prayer asking for guidance. I felt that I needed to trust the Lord's timing and not rush things, so I gladly laid down on the bed, propped up by pillows, and dozed between contractions for a while longer. Myles held my hand and I would squeeze it during contractions, then relax and go back to sleep.
A little while later, I felt ready to get up and walk around. The morning light was beginning to shine through the windows. I had hoped she would be born by then. It was slow-going. I would take a few steps, feel a wave coming on, and stop to lean on Myles and groan and sway through it. My doula/student midwife would squeeze my hips to relieve some of the pressure. Then I would take a few more steps and repeat. We did a few laps like this when I got the news that my sister Fiona had arrived. I was happy and relieved to see her there. I had been letting my impatience create negative thoughts and I needed her. She took over as doula, told me how well I was doing, reassured me that all was going well and it wouldn't be too much longer. That helped a lot, but there was still some tension in me. I wanted labor to move faster.
I got back in the tub and silently prayed again to know what I could do. I asked to try the nitrous-oxide the birth center provides. They showed me how to use it and I slowly breathed it in. It helped calm me, but pretty soon my fingers started tingling and I didn't like that so I stopped using it.
I asked Myles to pray for me and ask for labor to move faster. Myles, Fiona, and I all prayed together. A few minutes later the surges got stronger. I felt a stubborn cramp in my lower abdomen but the minute I tried to change positions to ease the pain another contraction was coming. Suddenly things were moving very fast. My body was telling me to push. A strong push ended with a pop. My water had broken. The midwives hurried in. Another push and I could feel the birth canal opening as the head slid right through. I was so surprised! That was fast! I wanted to hold her! I instinctively reached down, pushed again, and she slid into my hands. As I was bringing her up to me Katia stopped me to pull the umbilical cord out of the way.
I brought her purple, waxy form up to my chest, and she stretched her neck, lifted her head up high, and opened her eyes for the first time, blinking against the light. It was beautiful! It was like watching an angel stretch her wings and take her first flight.
I loosened the tie on my swimsuit for skin-to-skin and someone placed a towel over us. I talked to her, told her I loved her and was so glad to meet her. I asked her if she liked the name Eden Rose. She didn't seem to object, so I announced the name to the room.
I can't compare this feeling to anything else. The feeling of awe as we all marveled over this precious new soul... it's so unique and sacred. I imagine I might feel similar when I see the Savior's face again.
I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me... Oh it is wonderful, wonderful to me.
